The Circus Never Ends
by TheReclusiveSlob
Summary: Neil Beckett thinks he's over with love, but can Joker change that? He never thought he would fall for anyone ever again, and especially not with a man! Rated T for language Please leave a review if you enjoy it! (๑O๑) Male OC x Joker
1. Ch 1

A/N: If you read my other fanfic I'm sorry it's gone, but I wasn't invested in it anymore (＞人＜;) I was very, very eager to write this one however and I really hope you like it whether you're new or from my other work. Please enjoy and leave a review!

－The Slob

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「Neil's POV」

It's been a while since I've came to this world, and I honestly don't know how to feel about it.

Everything is so odd… The faceless, the role holders, and the _clocks. _At first, it was bothersome to me, but it started to feel more normal the longer I stayed.

It has been about a month since I came here, and I already got myself a job doing the only thing I know best.

My hands pounded hard into the bread dough on the counter, kneading it to perfection. My faceless coworker watched in awe as I was trying to teach her how to do it right, since she usually messed up on her breads.

"M-Mister Neil, you're so good at this," she breathed out, making me smile and shake my head. "You just have to put a lot of muscle into it. You'll get the hang of it, I promise." Once it was done, I picked up the dough and placed it into a bowl with a clean towel covering it so it could rise.

"I don't know what we could do without you," she admitted, cheeks turning a rosy pink color. She was a sweet girl, and was rather pretty. Had I been my younger, hopeless romantic self I would have asked her out on a date. But I wasn't interested in romance any more. Not after my last relationship.

I wiped my hands off after washing them, just to pat the top of my coworker's blonde head. She jumped a bit in surprise, her face turning a deeper shade of red as I gave her an assuring smile. "You're still learning. I promise it'll get easy in time. I'm gonna clock out for now, so be safe when you close up shop." She nodded at this, and I took off my flour covered apron. Now, it was finally time to make my special delivery…

In the back of the bakery, I had three separate delivery boxes. Each were marked with a different colored sticker so I wouldn't get them mixed up, as I carefully balanced them each into my arms. Once I left, saying a goodnight to my coworker, I began my journey to the Hatter's mansion.

－－－－－

As I made my way up to the large, iron gates I was a little strained. It was more difficult than I thought to carry these boxes without losing my balance, but I was lucky enough to not have dropped any. I slowed my steps when I saw Dee and Dum, a grin spreading across my cheeks as they both lit up in excitement seeing me.

"Big bro!" They both cheered, just to rush up to me. Their axes were clean, and not covered in thick blood like usual, so I assumed they had a slow day as well. "What's in the boxes, huh?" Dum asked, bouncing on the backs of his heels eagerly. They were both around my height, despite being kids. It… was embarrassing, but I was a bit short. At least I was the one taller here.

"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise," I teased, making them both get even more excited. "So it _is_ for us!" Dee laughed happily, his brother giving me the biggest puppy dog eyes as if I would be kind enough to tell him what it was right then and there.

"Of course," I promised, "Now let me in through the gates before I drop one of these boxes before they get to the tea party at all." They both did as I requested obediently, unlocking the gates and holding them open so I could walk through.

The tea party table was set out gorgeously as usual, the scent of tea strongly surrounding the area as if it were a perfume. Elliot was already there, his head whipping around to greet me when he heard the twins pestering me.

"Neil!" His grin was large, and though he stood up so he could pull me into a hug, he stopped when he saw the boxes. His head tilted cutely in confusion as he examined them, just for him to glance back up towards me. I didn't let him ask any questions, instead walking towards him and motioning for him to take the box that was on top.

Once he opened it, his whole face lit up like a kid on Christmas Day. His ears stood up straight and his face turned pink with his excitement. In the box was a carrot cake made especially for him, his name having been written out with green cream cheese icing and decorated with icing carrots. "Neil," he breathed out my name, his voice sounding so touched and appreciative. I wouldn't have been surprised if he cried at that point, but thankfully he didn't. I set down the other box across from his place at the table and motioned for the twins to sit down, just for me to place the last box at Blood's usual sitting. Finally, I returned to Elliot and gave him a hug once he set the cake down.

"I'm glad you like it," I laughed, feeling relaxed as his stronger arms wrapped around my back. This man was a fucking beast with how tall and muscular he was. I was jealous, but he was such a sweetheart it was impossible to not be sweet on him. "Of course I do! Did you really make it all for me?" He asked hopefully, as if it wasn't obvious enough by the fact his name was written on it. I nodded in assurance that yes, in fact, he had that whole cake for himself.

"No one would want your cruddy carrot stuff anyways, stupid chicken bunny!" Dee scoffed, as he and his brother opened their own box. They both gasped in excitement as they opened it to the most chocolatey chocolate cake they could ever feast their eyes on. It was plain, but it was cut in half so they knew they had to share. They both looked excitedly back up at me, and I gave them an assuring nod. "It's for you, boys."

Instantly, they both excitedly grabbed forks and began to dig into the cake without even cutting themselves a piece, making me grin proudly at my own work. "Neil, this is amazing," Elliot murmured, letting me go so he too could eat his own cake like a monster. He got a fork, just to stab it into the cake to take his first bite. He looked like he melted once he did, just to hastily begin devouring the cake faster than before. "Ish sho good!" He exclaimed, his mouth full as ever. I let out a loud laugh watching him, just to pat his shoulder. He was too damn cute.

"And what exactly is all this commotion?" A smooth voice asked from behind me, making me jump slightly. I turned around quickly to see Blood Dupre himself, curiously looking over my shoulder to see what Elliot was eating. He scrunched up his nose in an instant, just to relax himself and to step away from the orange nightmare. "...I.. see."

He then glanced at me, raising a brow curiously. "You made my men sweets to win them over, did you?" He asked, making me cringe my face up. "What…?" I asked, trying to make sense of yet another weird thing that came out of Blood's mouth. Sometimes I swear he thought I was a girl.

I watched as his eyes trailed over to his usual seat, just for a little flicker of curiosity to run through those turquoise orbs of his. Ah, I caught his interest by bringing him a gift as well. He made his way over to it, and I followed, taking a seat next to him. He slid off his hat and coat, just to begin opening the box. His curiosity was very, very evident in his eyes. He couldn't hide his own inner child, and I wouldn't let him know I noticed. Instead, I just smiled and watched.

Inside the box was a small, perfectly sized cake. It was a green tea layer cake, covered in green tea icing. There was a silhouette of a tea cup I had made out of white chocolate to decorate it, and to hopefully make him like it more. His eyes went from curious to _immediately invested _as he realized what it was. He leaned down and took a small sniff of the air around the cake, making me start to wonder if he was okay or not.

I watched next as he grabbed a serving knife and slid it into the cake, placing a slice of it onto the bone China plate that matched his tea cup beautifully. He then took a fork and delicately took a bite, only for him to appear pleased. This for some reason was oddly satisfying, watching this man eat cake and enjoy it as much as Elliot enjoyed carrot cake. I chuckled, just to pick up a tea pot and to pour him a cup of black tea. I then poured myself a cup and began sipping on it while watching this strange man.

He ate the entire slice silently, just for him to smile in a pleasant little way as he glanced over to me. He was about to say something, when another voice interrupted him.

"S-Sorry if I'm late!" My head turned towards the source of the voice, only to discover that it was an out of breath Alice. She smiled apologetically, just to glance over to me and to look instantly excited. "Neil! I didn't know you'd be here," she admitted, making me nod in return. I stood from my seat and walked over to her, only to pull her into a much gentler hug than I gave Elliot. "It's good to see you… but had I known you'd be here I would have made you a cake too." I glanced back over to the boxes on the table, just for her to shake her head no. "It's alright! I had tea with Vivaldi today, so I'm a little tired of sweets right now."

That little pleased smile on Blood's lips instantly dropped at this news, and instead it turned into a little scowl. "Ah... So the young lady was late because of that." He huffed pettily, making me bite my lip so I wouldn't laugh. He was so easy to read when he got jealous, and I gave Alice an apologetic pat on the shoulder for whatever she might have to endure during this. She sighed in response, nodding knowingly at the gesture, just to walk over and to sit between my seat and Elliot.

I sat next to her, and she appeared thankful that there was some distance between her and the moody mafia boss.

There was some silence after this aside from some greetings, until Blood finally broke the silence. His mood had not wavered, but he did have another slice of his cake for himself.

"You both shouldn't be leaving our territory by yourselves for the time being."

He looked towards me and Alice, taking a soft sip from his delicate tea cup. "B-Blood?" Alice stuttered out, just for Elliot to quickly answer for him. "It's gonna be April season soon's why. It's dangerous for foreigners to leave territories by themselves."

Both me and Alice appeared confused, but eventually she nodded for the both of us. "A-Alright?"

She glanced towards me, giving me a confused little look as if I knew the answers. I just shrugged towards her, just to nervously bite my lip. The only trouble was, I lived near the Heart Castle despite my work being closer to the Hatter's Mansion. I hope it wouldn't be too much a hassle, whatever this April Season entailed.

ーーーーー

Once the tea party was over, Alice asked to go into Blood's office to borrow some new books and the twins were ordered to return to their jobs. This left me and Elliot.

"Are you going back home? Let me walk you, it's dangerous to go by yourself," he insisted, making me smile apologetically. I then shook my head, reaching up and ruffling his hair. He flinched, obviously very traumatized from Alice's onslaught of ear torture, but soon relaxed into the touch of my calloused hands. "Nah, I'm just gonna head back to work," I lied, "I got to prepare some dough for when the shop opens." I.. really hated bothering Elliot for some reason. Maybe it was the fact Blood worked him like a dog, or because he reminded me of _my _dog from back on Earth. He was the sweetest guy I knew, and honestly one of the only people in this world I considered a really good friend besides Boris. So, even if it was dangerous, I'm sure I could handle it myself.

His violet eyes studied my freckled face for any hint of a lie, but he was too distracted to tell when I began to rub my fingertips behind his soft, soft ears. Damn, no wonder Alice went ham on these things. I knew not to touch them too much, though, or else I might scare the poor guy.

"A-Ahh… o-okay. But I'll, uh, stop by the shop tomorrow. So make sure you don't sell out of any of your carrot muffins, you know how badass those things are." He whimpered weakly after agreeing, making my eyes widen a little. I chuckled, just to finally stop petting him and to pull him into a strong hug. "Of course! I'll make extra for you," I promised, just to release him and to begin walking towards the gates. He was a little dazed, but he grinned and waved at me as he watched me walk away.

I sighed once I got out of the Hatter's Mansion, just to stretch weakly. My sore muscles tensed under the faint strain, and my back popped deeply when I leaned back. I had a good day's work. My coworker wasn't the best at baking, so I did most of the work. Which I loved a lot. I got to bake to my heart's extent. But my back was killing me.

The walk back was easier without the cake boxes, but I began to grow a little confused when I walked down the path I took every day to go home. Why was it so different looking? I glanced around, wondering if I somehow took the wrong path, only to run face first into something strong and hard.

Just as I was about to fall flat on my ass, I was caught by some arms and steadied on my feet. "Oh my, I'm so sorry sir!" A cheerful, yet apologetic tone was behind this voice, and I became a little disoriented as I glanced up.

There, right in front of me was an apple-red haired man, standing in front of a circus tent I was _certainly _not in front of before.

"What the fuck…" I breathed out, a little startled as I backed away from the stranger. He tilted his head curiously, making the bells on his jester hat jingle delicately. "Pardon?" He asked, watching as I frantically looked around. "How the hell did I get here?" I asked him, making him let out a laugh.

"You walked? This is the circus, sir, things don't _need_ to make sense." He murmured this in a rather reassuring manner, making me grow even more confused.

"Maybe you were trying to go somewhere?" He asked, tapping his chin. Awkwardly, I nodded as I tried to figure this weird fucker out. He was a role holder, that much was for sure. He had an eye. But what the hell was with his outfit? He was decked out like a clown. What sort of role does a clown have?

"I was trying to get to my apartment. Um… did I walk down the wrong path?" I asked urgently, making the man shake his head no. "Most certainly not. You must have wanted to change the season, then. Where is your home? Winter? Summer? Or maybe even Spring?" He asked, as if those were _destinations. _I squinted at him, just to scoff. "I… uh. I dunno?

Surprisingly, that answer made the man light up. He held out his hand, just for a deck of cards to appear out of nowhere. I flinched, and he seemed to have some sort of delight at my shock. "Then why don't we play a game and find out?" He asked, just to motion towards a card table. Was this thing even here before? I swear it wasn't! Still, though… this seemed fun? I glanced towards the man and the table, just to smile faintly. Well, a game couldn't hurt. I enjoyed games, so this could make up for the confusion. So, I nodded, and moved towards the table.

"Whatever game is good with me. Uh, so are you a role holder?" I asked, watching as he shuffled his deck of cards. His hands were _extremely_ skilled, moving so nimbly against the cards. I was nearly hypnotized by them, but his answer snapped me out of it. "Why, yes I am. I'm the ringleader of this circus here. We're actually hoping to have a show in a few time periods," he admitted, making my eyes widen.

I haven't seen a circus show since I was very young, so that news intrigued me. "Really?" I asked, making him nod eagerly. "Would you like to come and see? It would make me happy to see you attend."

My own eagerness must have been enough of an answer for him, however, as he could see me light up at the thought. "Of course!" I exclaimed, watching as the man passed me one card and set one down in front of himself. Ah, we're playing blackjack. I looked down and saw my card was a four, and I grinned as he set down an eight in front of me. "Then, I'll just have to give you a ticket for our grand opening, Sir," he murmured, making me appear a little surprised. "Ah, no, I'll pay! Um. Hit," I insisted, as he now set a card down again. A five. I was doing good so far. However, I glanced down to his own and saw him setting down another card. He had one king, and he set down a queen afterwards. He pouted, just to sigh. "Ah, it seems like I busted. And no! Not at all. Your enjoyment is payment enough, I insist!" He urged, just to reach out towards me.

And just like that, he snapped his fingers. Once he did, the air felt a little less chilly, and in his hand was one singular admission ticket which he presented towards me. My eyes widened at this trick of his, only for an inner childish side of me to light up. I took the ticket with flushed cheeks, my blue eyes glancing up towards him shyly. "Thank you… I'll be sure to come. I'll, uh, see you soon again soon then. Um… Mister… clown?"

"The name is Joker," he answered, taking off his silly hat to press to his chest as he bowed gracefully. However, it revealed a cowlick he had on his head of bright red hair. It made me chuckle as I held the ticket close to my chest, just for me to nod. "And my name's Neil. I'll see you soon, Joker!"

And with this, I turned on my heel and left back on the path I came from. My nose began to feel a little funny, however, and I tried to brush it off as I tried to figure out exactly what went wrong on my usual walk home. Hopefully my allergies weren't acting up already.

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Please leave a review to tell me if I should continue this or not! (๑◡๑)

I love you all and thank you so much for reading!


	2. Ch 2

A/N: slightly shorter chapter today (^_^*) I hope you enjoy, and I would like to thank Orange Eye'd Wanderer and sonic-nancy-fan for the reviews and constructive criticism 3 I know it was a bit confusing to have Neil have pre-established relationships, and I apologize for that ^-^; But I really really hope you enjoy~!

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「Neil's POV」

The air was so chilly from all the way up here on this skyscraper. I stared down in silence as my chest filled with guilt. It was all my fault… She died because of me. My vision blurred as sobs escaped my throat, my hands clutching over my eyes to try to catch my tears. Why couldn't I have just loved her like I used to? Maybe it was because it felt like she didn't love me. She was just using me… she needed me to live.

I could tell everyone blamed me for it, too. I broke her heart. I-I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like everyone knew. _Everyone. _It felt like _everyone_ was whispering things behind my back. Saying things like "_You killed her_" and "_You murderer_". I wiped my tears as best as I could before opening my eyes again, staring down the long side of the building down below.

This was it. I sucked in a deep breath, my heart nearly escaping out of my chest. I just wanted to feel loved. Truly, truly loved. Why couldn't that just happen without being used? And without being hated…

My feet were on the very ledge of the building and slowly did I press my weight forward until they couldn't support me anymore, and—

"_Neil!_"

I opened my eyes just as I heard this voice interrupt my dream, and soon I couldn't remember what I was thinking moments before. All I knew was that I was falling, and soon afterwards I landed in the arms of a man I hadn't seen before. The world around us was a foggy, light grey, but not as light as this man's hair. What was I thinking of before?

"W-What?" I asked in a startled way, my eyes wide as he set me on the 'ground' of this world. It wasn't cold, but it felt odd. Because the ground was nonexistent and yet flat at the same time. I stared at the man above me, who floated in the air smoothly and looked down at me. His features were pale, pale white and he looked so delicate that I was surprised I didn't break him when he caught me. This… had to be a dream. But what was I dreaming about before?

"You don't need to remember," he cooed, his slim fingers curling around a slender pipe. The scent of sweet tobacco filled the air as he took a delicate puff, and he began to lazily float around me which made it difficult to keep focus on him.

"Remember what?" I scoffed, eyes narrowing as I crossed my arms over my chest. Alice had once told me of a dream demon, but I just thought she was just a _very_ vivid dreamer. I don't remember how I came to Wonderland, so I often asked her how she had been brought here, and she had once mentioned something about how _he_ had something to do with it. But if this _was_ the guy, then he must have his priorities set on _only_ coming into the dreams of pretty girls. Then again, that _is_ was incubi do.

"I'm not _THAT _kind of incubus!" He childishly huffed, making me lose that little glare due to my surprise. "And I'll have you know, I've been a very busy man! I don't have time to come to people's' dreams all the time." He began to pout like a bratty little kid, and my mouth gaped. This fucker was reading my thoughts? This is the goddamn demon, isn't it!?

"What the hell…" I breathed out, just to get to my feet from where I was sitting. I walked up to him and pressed my finger against his chest from where he floated, a heavy scowl setting upon my lips. "So you _are_ the dream demon! You're the one who brought Alice to wonderland, right? Or at least helped that Peter White guy?!" I was raising my voice, but it was just to appear threatening. If I remained calm, he might not tell me anything.

However, his reaction wasn't one I was expecting. He dropped his pipe and remained utterly still, just to open his mouth and to let out a weak cough. It sounded like he tried to suppress it, but that wasn't what mattered. It was the fact he just hacked up _blood_ onto my face. I felt the specks of liquid on my cheeks and examined it to make sure it was true, just to quickly back away from him. He soon crumpled to the floor and began to hack up even more, until it turned into actual blood vomit. Panic quickly consumed me, and I rushed to his side.

"H-Hey? Are you alright?" I stayed knelt by him, trying to rub his back as I nervously moved some of his silk hair out of his face. I hated seeing people in pain. Back in my old world my friends would call me motherly.

"Y-Yes I'm fine," he assured, just to clear his throat. It seemed this little episode of his was somewhat finished, and he dabbed at his mouth with his hankie. He still looked very ill from it, and somewhat pained, so I remained sat next to him. My arms were draped over his shoulders in a protective way as my caring instincts took over, and I looked at his face to make sure he was alright. However, instead of assure me further about his health, he answered my question from before. "And yes… I'm the one who helped the White Rabbit bring Alice here."

My eyes widened, only for me to lean towards him slightly. I took the handkerchief from his hand and began to clean his face for him instead, lowering my voice much more than before so I wouldn't startled him again. He was weak, and I knew not to be rough with him. I needed to be careful and caring to weak people. It was my nature. "So… you're the one who helped bring me here?" I asked him, eyes locking with his singular pale orb. I needed to make sure that he wouldn't lie to me.

However, the frail demon shook his head no. He instead offered me a smile, allowing me to nurture him as if he wasn't weirded out at all. It was actually somewhat normal-feeling and comforting to be so close to him. "No. Rather, you brought yourself here, Neil. I didn't even know you came into this world until Alice told me about you."

This answer only brought more and more questions. _How_ did I bring myself here? How come there wasn't a clear way back like how Alice had? Was there any way back for me at all? I didn't even know where to begin with these questions, and yet this demon didn't need me to ask anything at all. Instead, he had an apologetic expression for confusing me, and rested a hand over my own to stop me from cleaning the blood from his face.

"You brought yourself here because you wanted to be loved. You _**wanted**_ this world. But you came in differently from Alice. You didn't drink the Medicine of Hearts… And it's best if you don't remember it at all." He sighed, and as if he could tell that only made me _more_ confused, he spoke again.

"I don't know if there's a way back for you. I've been trying to figure it out myself, and I'll tell you if I find one out. But for now, enjoy yourself in this world. You're already making a good life for yourself here." He then moved my hand from his face, and instead pressed it to my own chest over my heart. However, I gave him a little unsure glare. I didn't want to be loved. At least, I don't think. And I don't like _not_ remembering things. But most importantly, was this guy really _**avoiding**_ talking to me because he didn't want to admit until _now_ that he didn't have answers for me?!

Instantly, at that thought, the demon began to go into another coughing fit. He crumbled over, weakly hacking more and more blood onto the nonexistent ground of this dream. "N-Neil, you're so cruel!" He whined between hacks, making me feel both guilty and panicked. I _quickly _returned to my protective position over him, moving his silky hair out of his face and slowly rubbing his back to make it easier for him.

－ーーーー

I woke up very, very sick. My entire body felt like crap as I lied there half awake. So I really did meet the dream demon. But the things he told me didn't make any sense at all. My hands clutched against my thin, cheap blankets as I tried harder to remember the dream from before, but that only made my head pound a little harder. Was it my allergies that was making it feel like this? I groaned as I sat up in bed, rubbing my temples as I stumbled to the only other piece of furniture I owned. I opened up my dresser and pulled out some clothes to change into, just to sneeze hard enough to make my head feel like it was about to explode.

At a moment like this, it made me really wish Wonderland had cell phones. I could call in sick if it did. But I didn't want to worry my coworker or Elliot if he stopped by the shop today. So, I would have to go out and work.

"_It's best if you don't remember it at all", _huh? I wonder what he meant by that.

Once I opened the door of my apartment, all I could smell was flowers. It made my nose itch more, until finally I let out a loud sneeze. Ugh. Did they plant more flowers downtown or something? I wasn't _badly_ allergic to flowers, and I could at least tolerate being in Blood's garden for small periods of time without giving it away, but this was just overwhelming. The best thing for me right now would be to get to work fast.

However, that might be an issue. As I made my way down the path to my work, the same one I took _every _day, it somehow lead me back to the circus. I held the collar of my jacket over my nose to try and filter out the pollen, but it mostly failed me. This was proven as I let out a sneeze, which was too harsh to be muffled.

"Bless you!" A cheery little voice piped up to me, making me jump. Quickly, I looked around to locate the source, until finally I looked down. There, in front of me, was a little faceless clown girl. She had pigtails in her hair, and her dress consisted of bright yellows and reds. She grinned as widely as she could towards me, making my heart immediately throb. Ah~ cute. "Thank you," I told her, just to lean down slightly. I lowered my jacket to show her I was smiling, and immediately she giggled.

"You look like shit, Mister!"

This took me aback, making my smile falter before returning as I let out a laugh. "Is it… that noticeable? Ah. Sorry. I just have a bit of allergies is all," I assured, only for her to nod sweetly. "That's alright! Hey, you should play a game with me!" Then, without letting me answer, she grabbed my hand in her own and began to tug on my arm. I gawked at this, just to finally agree. "Al-Alright, but can it be a fast game? I have to get to work by next time period."

"Okay, Mister! I promise to be fast, you might not even feel that much pain!" She giggled, her voice being so badly innocent that I could barely register what she said. Once the words finally processed in my brain, however, it was too late. She lead me to two other faceless children who took me roughly by the wrists, holding on so tightly that I was sure they would leave bruises.

"Let's tie him to this tree here!" Urged a faceless boy, earning happy laughter from the other two children. I began to laugh nervously with them. "Haha…Wh-What? No! Let's— let's _not_ do that?!" However, my panicked exclamation fell upon deaf ears as they entirely ignored me, pushing me up against a tree. The third girl there made a rope appear in her hands, much like that Joker guy had done yesterday with those cards. She handed one end over to the boy who helped hold me down, and began to run around the tree with it to trap me.

Once I was tied—which I was genuinely a bit impressed and taken away by from the fact they could keep me down enough to do so despite their side—they took a step back. The faceless clown boy then turned to the faceless clown girl and gave her an excited smile. "This'll be great target practice!" He urged, giggling eagerly as he presented a felt case. He unstrapped it, revealing that it was filled with sharp, small throwing knives, making the other faceless clown children _eagerly_ applaud and agree. Instantly, my heart dropped as I stared at the small blades, and my struggling turned even more desperate than before to no avail.

This wasn't going to turn out good for me at all.


End file.
